My ex-husband's profile:
ABUSIVE MEN ARE NOT MENTALLY
UNSTABLE/DISTURBED. THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND ALSO HAVE
COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THEIR ACTIONS. WIFE ASSAULT IS A CRIME; VIOLENCE IS
NEVER OKAY OR JUSTIFIABLE. HE TOOK YOUR PAST, DO NOT LET HIM HAVE YOUR FUTURE!
Two
of my neighbors have admitted to hearing him during his rages; one even said
she heard him loud and clear, threatening to kill me.
My
husband made me crazy with his behavior, and when I reacted in the only way
that I knew how at the time--with some absurd behavior of my own--he
completely twisted it around (another documented trait of an abuser) to make
me the abusive one, then went running & crying to his family &
friends. He did the same thing with his first wife. His psychological abuse
was so bad, that there are a few things I am finding out now that I have said
and done that I have absolutely no recollection of whatsoever. I know that
any/all character flaws/abnormalities/faults/absurdities and just plain
psychotic behavior he displays these days will be blamed on me....just as
any/all dementia he displayed while with me was blamed on his first wife. It's
a documented fact, also, that this sort of pattern does repeat itself with
abusers, throughout their lives with some of them.
We do the best we can with what we have, given the circumstances that surround
us at the time. "You are not alone, you are not crazy and you are not
responsible!"
Loved? Dishonored, and
Abused - My Own Story
Hey Honey, "express
yourself"...
-be sure to tell your wife that
the only reason she married you was so she could sit around the house all
day and do nothing, even though she was fifteen weeks pregnant at the time
and in a high risk category due to a previous miscarriage
-also tell her that the only
reason she wrote letters to the newspaper was so she could provoke, because
you were jealous of the fact that she could write what the people want to
hear, and you couldn't
-act like you can never have
anything by throwing everything you own in the garbage, or out the bedroom
window. I remember looking out our window one day to see stuffed toys that
had been torn apart, laying on the lawn for the superintendent of the
building to clean up; at first I didn't realize what the mess was until I
took a good look, then I was completely stunned...even more-so when I
realized they were the stuffed mementos that belonged to my husband!
- You could even fake walking in
your sleep in order to scare your wife--pretending to attempt climbing out
your bedroom window (I should have let him; we were on the third floor).
-leave the room that you're in,
acting perfectly normal, then go into the bathroom
-pound your fist into your hand
when you're in the bathroom alone talking to yourself
-when pounding your fist into
your hand be sure to whisper loudly "bam, bam, bam"
-when you're done doing this
come out of the bathroom and return to the room you were in; when your wife
asks you if all is okay look at her dumbfounded & answer "yes, why
wouldn't it be?"
-you could take a butcher knife
to your work shirts and shred them, then throw them into the closet so that
when your wife is cleaning she will find them and "feel guilty because
she must have upset poor little you."
-or you could just tear your
shirts apart with your bare hands
-take out your anger by banging
your head and your feet onto your vehicle (this was witnessed on more than
one occasion by a neighbor)
-when your wife wishes to
discuss something respond with yelling and screaming
-don't forget to drool like a
wild animal while you're yelling and screaming, a documented trait of an
abuser
-add the touch of pounding and
kicking the furniture while you respond to discussion (more often than not I
was sitting on this furniture)
-if perhaps you might want to
respond in a reasonable tone, do so with these words: "I don't
know", "I don't remember", or "I don't want to talk
about it"
-after you have repeated the
above words like they're the only ones in your vocabulary, sit on the sofa
with your arms at your side, your shoulders slouched, your chin hanging,
your eyes glazed over, and your tongue hanging slightly out of your mouth so
that you appear as an "idiot" as defined in the dictionary; this
intimidation is used to 'scare' your wife into thinking she's 'really done
it this time' therefore she'll back off and leave poor little you alone
-when you're screwing around on
your wife be sure to look her straight in the eye and tell her you love her
-when your wife catches you in
one of your numerous lies be sure to go ballistic and blame her; you could
also choke her and throw her to the floor by her neck, and just to make sure
she learned her lesson you could also go for her throat again a few days
later
-and always, always remember,
that everything that goes wrong in your life is your wife's fault.
There's even more:
-your ex-wife tells your present
wife that you used to start fires in the basement to keep warm after a
night of drinking, with her & the baby asleep upstairs...oh, and your
ex-wife knew the dents in your car were from your head and your feet
-you stay up half the night on
internet porn sites then blame your step-child's boyfriend for the access
(meanwhile he hadn't even been to our residence at these times, or on our
computer at all for that matter).
-the floor under where you were
sitting at the computer half the night is all gooey in the morning (I am not
kidding...at first I thought it was 'cat barf' but upon further inspection I
came to the realization of exactly what it was. A couple of nights I walked
out into the living room when he was on the computer to the wee hours of the
morning; as soon as he saw me he immediately shut the computer off).
-even after it was proven that
you were the only one accessing the porn sites on the net, up half the night
doing who knows what to yourself, you still persist in yelling &
screaming at the top of your lungs at your wife, that it wasn't you; your
own ex-wife will tell you that is your response when you've been caught
red-handed (in this case 'one-handed') at something.
Oh, here's the best one of
all:
-drink out of a glass that is
obviously sitting & soaking at the back of the counter away from
everything else and realize the glass has javex in it, freak out &
accuse your wife of trying to poison you, meanwhile the cupboard is full of
clean glasses and you always, always get cold water from the filter jug in
the fridge; just another thing to "blame your wife for"
-bang holes in the wall with an
obvious object then claim to know nothing about it
-take all your friends phone
numbers out of the memory system on the phone while in one of your 'feel
sorry for me' moods then yell & scream at your wife that you can't have
any friends (the only reason my hubby did this was because I liked his
'outside of work' friends & enjoyed visiting them; but with my hubby, I
was supposed to bitch & complain about them, not have a good word to say
about them, and not want him to associate with them; now you know where I'm
coming from with 'mind games & twisted facts'; if you think you're
confused just imagine living with this psychopath)
-tell your wife that she is
insignificant, her existence is meaningless, and she is a burden, just like you
told her your first wife was
-when the curtains that your
wife bought from a friend who smokes interfere with her breathing, as she
has asthma, and your wife has to sleep in another room, be sure to go
apeshit & accuse her of being pissed off at you because you were on the
computer half the night, put your boots on & proceed to leave the house
over this
-be sure to obliterate your wife
in everyone else's eyes, especially when your own mother tells you that
your temper will ruin your life & your wife comes out looking better
than you do; you must destroy her image in everyone's eyes because you're
afraid of the truth coming out; you must convince everyone else that your
wife is a psycho.
Imagine a
husband who attempts suicide both times his wife is pregnant?
FOR
ATTENTION.
I lost both
babies; Blessings in disguise?
Imagine a husband who, only four
days after his wife has a head on collision which causes her double
whiplash, head injuries, and the loss of her vehicle, leaves work without
calling home & drives miles out of town with open liquor in the car,
& when is pulled over by the police, has the officer call home & ask
for his ex-wife. Then, after they get his wife (and step-child) out of bed
& even though she tells them to keep him (they tell her they don't want
him) she has to drive, in her rental vehicle, hours to pick up this
degenerate, only to be told that he did it because he was 'testing her
love'. Oh, the fine was $210.; the impound charge was $90.; plus the cost of
gas to drive there & back to pick him up, bring him home, then travel
back again the next day to retrieve his car from the pound. All the wife's
money because he has none; he works straight commission with no intent to
better himself (Economic Abuse was a BIG factor in our marriage; he failed
to provide the necessities of life). The only time this guy made any money
was in the beginning of the relationship; part of his "con
job" to a single mother. Well this single mother didn't want him for
his money but let's be realistic also. The 'abundant' paycheques soon began
to dry up when his mission was accomplished. To this day he is still trying
to apply for credit, stating me as his spouse since my credit rating is
excellent; he has also had invoices re-directed to my address in his attempt
to avoid responsibility with mail order companies, too stupid to realize the
further damage these acts are doing to his own credit rating.
HE:
-limits his vocabulary to six
words:” I don't know" & "I don't remember"
-calls his wife everything but a
white woman at least six times a week
Tears in heaven...
...the day we found out the baby
had died, at nineteen weeks, I had to walk home from the hospital; it was
the middle of winter; windy & cold; he walked ahead of me, quickly, ugly
as hell because the wind was blowing in his face. He didn't even offer to
walk home first & get the car to come back & pick me up and drive me
home.
I have forgiven my ex
because forgiveness heals. I didn't do it for him, I did it for me. I do not
hate him, however I do pity him, and if I think of him at all, the fleeting
thought is how extremely thankful I am that I did not waste fourteen years of
my life with him like his first wife did. My ex does have a pulse, and there
is evidence of brain activity, but I seriously believe that the only function
his brain does serve is to keep the top of his head from caving in.
My message is as it has
always been, you are not responsible for the behavior of your partner;
everything you say & do & think & feel is not wrong. You ARE
entitled to your own thoughts, feelings & opinions. I know how it
feels to be degraded, demeaned, threatened, belittled, shoved, chased, choked.
These things are not acceptable.
One of his favorite past
times....
"Violence
against women will never end so long as there is such a thing as men."
©2003
For more
information on
The Fight
Against Domestic Violence
visit:
Wisdom
For Women
Abuse
Sanctuary
