If you think you are being abused, but your perpetrator has you convinced YOU are the problem, you may want to read this page. It details verbal, mental, and emotional abuse in its extreme. Abusers are masters at twisting words and situations around to point the blame at others, especially those closest to them. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, the fault always lies on the victim courtesy of the abusers manipulative behavior. If there was an Academy Award for Twisted Mister, production could never keep up with demand.

It all boils down to his fear of losing power & control.

My ex....no matter how he looks or what he has, where he goes or what he does, he will always be the same person inside. All the disguise in the world can never change that fact. He tells people only what he wants them to hear; only what he wants them to know...whatever it takes to make himself look good.  Those around him know only the lies he has fed them; they did not live with him; they were not here to experience the monster he really is.

It's a few years now since I rid myself of the demon---I used to say he was "the devil in human form." In fact, shortly after I put him out of our home I came across a photo of him shirtless, and I drew a devil's fork on his chest just because I could. A few days later I got to thinking of his evil ways so I put the photo in a glass & set a match to it. I sat the glass in the (metal) kitchen sink in case it should shatter, and I went about the house cleaning and what not, as the photo burned. Later on in the day I went back to the glass and as God is my witness, every pixel of that photo had burned except the devil's fork that I had drawn.  

My ex-husband's profile:




Two of my neighbors have admitted to hearing him during his rages; one even said she heard him loud and clear, threatening to kill me.

My husband made me crazy with his behavior, and when I reacted in the only way that I knew how at the time--with some absurd behavior of my own--he completely twisted it around (another documented trait of an abuser) to make me the abusive one, then went running & crying to his family & friends. He did the same thing with his first wife. His psychological abuse was so bad, that there are a few things I am finding out now that I have said and done that I have absolutely no recollection of whatsoever. I know that any/all character flaws/abnormalities/faults/absurdities and just plain psychotic behavior he displays these days will be blamed on me....just as any/all dementia he displayed while with me was blamed on his first wife. It's a documented fact, also, that this sort of pattern does repeat itself with abusers, throughout their lives with some of them.
We do the best we can with what we have, given the circumstances that surround us at the time. "You are not alone, you are not crazy and you are not responsible!"

Loved? Dishonored, and Abused - My Own Story 

Hey Honey, "express yourself"...

-be sure to tell your wife that the only reason she married you was so she could sit around the house all day and do nothing, even though she was fifteen weeks pregnant at the time and in a high risk category due to a previous miscarriage
-also tell her that the only reason she wrote letters to the newspaper was so she could provoke, because you were jealous of the fact that she could write what the people want to hear, and you couldn't
-act like you can never have anything by throwing everything you own in the garbage, or out the bedroom window. I remember looking out our window one day to see stuffed toys that had been torn apart, laying on the lawn for the superintendent of the building to clean up; at first I didn't realize what the mess was until I took a good look, then I was completely stunned...even more-so when I realized they were the stuffed mementos that belonged to my husband!
- You could even fake walking in your sleep in order to scare your wife--pretending to attempt climbing out your bedroom window (I should have let him; we were on the third floor).
-leave the room that you're in, acting perfectly normal, then go into the bathroom
-pound your fist into your hand when you're in the bathroom alone talking to yourself
-when pounding your fist into your hand be sure to whisper loudly "bam, bam, bam"
-when you're done doing this come out of the bathroom and return to the room you were in; when your wife asks you if all is okay look at her dumbfounded & answer "yes, why wouldn't it be?"
-you could take a butcher knife to your work shirts and shred them, then throw them into the closet so that when your wife is cleaning she will find them and "feel guilty because she must have upset poor little you."
-or you could just tear your shirts apart with your bare hands
-take out your anger by banging your head and your feet onto your vehicle (this was witnessed on more than one occasion by a neighbor)
-when your wife wishes to discuss something respond with yelling and screaming
-don't forget to drool like a wild animal while you're yelling and screaming, a documented trait of an abuser
-add the touch of pounding and kicking the furniture while you respond to discussion (more often than not I was sitting on this furniture)
-if perhaps you might want to respond in a reasonable tone, do so with these words: "I don't know", "I don't remember", or "I don't want to talk about it"
-after you have repeated the above words like they're the only ones in your vocabulary, sit on the sofa with your arms at your side, your shoulders slouched, your chin hanging, your eyes glazed over, and your tongue hanging slightly out of your mouth so that you appear as an "idiot" as defined in the dictionary; this intimidation is used to 'scare' your wife into thinking she's 'really done it this time' therefore she'll back off and leave poor little you alone
-when you're screwing around on your wife be sure to look her straight in the eye and tell her you love her
-when your wife catches you in one of your numerous lies be sure to go ballistic and blame her; you could also choke her and throw her to the floor by her neck, and just to make sure she learned her lesson you could also go for her throat again a few days later
-and always, always remember, that everything that goes wrong in your life is your wife's fault.

There's even more:

-your ex-wife tells your present wife that you used to start fires in the basement to keep warm after a night of drinking, with her & the baby asleep upstairs...oh, and your ex-wife knew the dents in your car were from your head and your feet
-you stay up half the night on internet porn sites then blame your step-child's boyfriend for the access (meanwhile he hadn't even been to our residence at these times, or on our computer at all for that matter).
-the floor under where you were sitting at the computer half the night is all gooey in the morning (I am not kidding...at first I thought it was 'cat barf' but upon further inspection I came to the realization of exactly what it was. A couple of nights I walked out into the living room when he was on the computer to the wee hours of the morning; as soon as he saw me he immediately shut the computer off).
-even after it was proven that you were the only one accessing the porn sites on the net, up half the night doing who knows what to yourself, you still persist in yelling & screaming at the top of your lungs at your wife, that it wasn't you; your own ex-wife will tell you that is your response when you've been caught red-handed (in this case 'one-handed') at something.

Oh, here's the best one of all:

-drink out of a glass that is obviously sitting & soaking at the back of the counter away from everything else and realize the glass has javex in it, freak out & accuse your wife of trying to poison you, meanwhile the cupboard is full of clean glasses and you always, always get cold water from the filter jug in the fridge; just another thing to "blame your wife for"

-bang holes in the wall with an obvious object then claim to know nothing about it
-take all your friends phone numbers out of the memory system on the phone while in one of your 'feel sorry for me' moods then yell & scream at your wife that you can't have any friends (the only reason my hubby did this was because I liked his 'outside of work' friends & enjoyed visiting them; but with my hubby, I was supposed to bitch & complain about them, not have a good word to say about them, and not want him to associate with them; now you know where I'm coming from with 'mind games & twisted facts'; if you think you're confused just imagine living with this psychopath)
-tell your wife that she is insignificant, her existence is meaningless, and she is a burden, just like you told her your first wife was
-when the curtains that your wife bought from a friend who smokes interfere with her breathing, as she has asthma, and your wife has to sleep in another room, be sure to go apeshit & accuse her of being pissed off at you because you were on the computer half the night, put your boots on & proceed to leave the house over this
-be sure to obliterate your wife in everyone else's eyes, especially when your own mother tells you that your temper will ruin your life & your wife comes out looking better than you do; you must destroy her image in everyone's eyes because you're afraid of the truth coming out; you must convince everyone else that your wife is a psycho.

Imagine a husband who attempts suicide both times his wife is pregnant? 


I lost both babies; Blessings in disguise?

Imagine a husband who, only four days after his wife has a head on collision which causes her double whiplash, head injuries, and the loss of her vehicle, leaves work without calling home & drives miles out of town with open liquor in the car, & when is pulled over by the police, has the officer call home & ask for his ex-wife. Then, after they get his wife (and step-child) out of bed & even though she tells them to keep him (they tell her they don't want him) she has to drive, in her rental vehicle, hours to pick up this degenerate, only to be told that he did it because he was 'testing her love'. Oh, the fine was $210.; the impound charge was $90.; plus the cost of gas to drive there & back to pick him up, bring him home, then travel back again the next day to retrieve his car from the pound. All the wife's money because he has none; he works straight commission with no intent to better himself (Economic Abuse was a BIG factor in our marriage; he failed to provide the necessities of life). The only time this guy made any money was in the beginning of the relationship; part of his "con job" to a single mother. Well this single mother didn't want him for his money but let's be realistic also. The 'abundant' paycheques soon began to dry up when his mission was accomplished. To this day he is still trying to apply for credit, stating me as his spouse since my credit rating is excellent; he has also had invoices re-directed to my address in his attempt to avoid responsibility with mail order companies, too stupid to realize the further damage these acts are doing to his own credit rating.

-limits his vocabulary to six words: I don't know" & "I don't remember"
-calls his wife everything but a white woman at least six times a week

Tears in heaven...
...the day we found out the baby had died, at nineteen weeks, I had to walk home from the hospital; it was the middle of winter; windy & cold; he walked ahead of me, quickly, ugly as hell because the wind was blowing in his face. He didn't even offer to walk home first & get the car to come back & pick me up and drive me home.

I have forgiven my ex because forgiveness heals. I didn't do it for him, I did it for me. I do not hate him, however I do pity him, and if I think of him at all, the fleeting thought is how extremely thankful I am that I did not waste fourteen years of my life with him like his first wife did. My ex does have a pulse, and there is evidence of brain activity, but I seriously believe that the only function his brain does serve is to keep the top of his head from caving in.

My message is as it has always been, you are not responsible for the behavior of your partner; everything you say & do & think & feel is not wrong. You ARE entitled to your own thoughts, feelings & opinions.  I know how it feels to be degraded, demeaned, threatened, belittled, shoved, chased, choked. These things are not acceptable.

One of his favorite past times....

"Violence against women will never end so long as there is such a thing as men." 2003

For more information on

The Fight Against Domestic Violence


Wisdom For Women

Abuse Sanctuary